This post is just going to be a mess of thoughts
First I just love my kid. Ryan and I took him to
his one year wellness visit yesterday. He was obviously a year old in January
but the doctor needed the day off so we rescheduled the visit for February.
Although, he had to get shots and that is never fun, talking to the doctor about
his weight, height, what he’s eating, what’s he’s doing, how he’s sleeping is
Tino doesn’t see a pediatrician. We all see the
same family practitioner and Tino just so happens to be the youngest patient at
our family doctor’s office so when we arrive the whole place stops and everyone
gushes over him.
The wellness visits are a chance for us to recap
Tino’s new milestones and address concerns. Dr. Case is great in the fact that
he encourages me to trust my instinct. When Tino was born he wasn’t gaining
weight super fast. I mean he gained but just slowly. If I expressed concern Dr.
Case would say, “Sheena he gaining and he going to continue to gain. Breastfed
babies gain weight slower. It’s normal and will be better for him long term,
but if you’re worried you can supplement but I don’t think he needs it.”
Our family doctor is so encouraging. He always
tells us we are doing a great job. He asked if Tino is still nursing and I told
him sadly he weaned himself. I told him I was very sad about it. His response
was, “Well of course you are.” I love that. Most people respond with, “Well,
Mommy he’s growing up.” I know that but it’s still sad to end something that
was such an intense bonding experience. Dr. Case was one of my cheerleaders
when it came to breastfeeding so I was very touched that he acknowledged that
stopping wouldn’t be easy.
Also, Tino’s walking since seeing him last and
that was exciting. And, right before we left I said to Tino, “Where’s Tino?”
and he points to his chest and claps. That made Dr. Case chuckle and us proud.
Ryan and I were just observing Tino last night
while he was playing. Honestly, when I pictured our child in my head before we
had him I just never pictured something so beautiful. He is just that…
beautiful; his wispy light brown hair and his blue eyes. I secretly wanted a
brown haired blue eyed son but I never thought we’d have one since Ryan and I
both have brown eyes. When he was born with blue eyes I figured they would
change to brown. However, they are still as blue as the day he was born. Dr.
Case says they are most likely going to stay that way.
When Tino smiles, my whole world is right and
good. My heart soars. I can’t imagine my life without him and if I try I get
anxious and upset and I bury the thought quickly before tears rush to my eyes.
When I rock him at night sometimes I find myself expressing such deep gratitude
in prayer to God for entrusting this miraculous little creature to us. What did
we do to deserve such a perfect little boy? I never thought I could love
something so much. I don’t think anyone can tell you what it’s going to be like
to have a child. The challenges and frustrations of just taking care of their
basic needs are in themselves an atomic bomb of change and adjustment. But, the
warmth they bring to your heart and your soul is overwhelming. It brings tears
to my eyes.
This morning Tino was up earlier than usual so we
had about 20 minutes of playtime on the living room floor before we had to head
out to daycare. He was relaxing with Dada in the recliner. With Ryan reclining
back and Tino lounging in the curve of his arm, I notice something I’ve noticed
before that always makes me smile from ear to ear. Ryan reclining in his chair,
his ankles crossed and Tino lounging in the curve of his arm, ANKLES CROSSED!
They are relaxing in the exact same position. Now either Tino is mimicking his
father or he just is comfortable in this same position. Either way it’s about
the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I mentioned this to my
mom this morning and she burst out laughing, a deep belly laugh, saying she’s
noticed it as well.
I love that we had a son. I love having Ryan and
his mini. These two men mean so much to me and have turned out to be my whole world
and the source of all my joy. I feel so overwhelmed to literally drop to my
knees and thank God for them both!!
All the kids at daycare are sick. I feel like we
just got our family better. Tino’s been teething. He got shots yesterday so I’m
sure the next couple days he may be a little fussy and perhaps even run a low
grade fever. He’s had a runny nose for weeks with the teething. And, this
morning he started with a cough. I fear we are in for a rough couple weeks
ahead with potentially a fussy little man. Say a prayer that it’s not too
painful for us all.
I have the baby itch. I really do. I’m ready for
another child. However, Ryan’s not working. He’s in the middle of his
clinicals. We have to wait. It’s the right thing. But, if circumstances were
different I think we’d be trying for number two. And, I’ve really been thinking
I’d like to have three children total. I’m hoping that after Ryan graduates and
he’s working he’ll be on board with this plan. We’ll just have to wait and see.
That’s it. I told you this was a smorgasbord of
thoughts and emotions. I hope you were able to follow along.