Sheena's Thursday Thoughts

*****WARNING*****

This post is just going to be a mess of thoughts and emotions.

First I just love my kid. Ryan and I took him to his one year wellness visit yesterday. He was obviously a year old in January but the doctor needed the day off so we rescheduled the visit for February. Although, he had to get shots and that is never fun, talking to the doctor about his weight, height, what he’s eating, what’s he’s doing, how he’s sleeping is nice.

Tino doesn’t see a pediatrician. We all see the same family practitioner and Tino just so happens to be the youngest patient at our family doctor’s office so when we arrive the whole place stops and everyone gushes over him.

The wellness visits are a chance for us to recap Tino’s new milestones and address concerns. Dr. Case is great in the fact that he encourages me to trust my instinct. When Tino was born he wasn’t gaining weight super fast. I mean he gained but just slowly. If I expressed concern Dr. Case would say, “Sheena he gaining and he going to continue to gain. Breastfed babies gain weight slower. It’s normal and will be better for him long term, but if you’re worried you can supplement but I don’t think he needs it.”

Our family doctor is so encouraging. He always tells us we are doing a great job. He asked if Tino is still nursing and I told him sadly he weaned himself. I told him I was very sad about it. His response was, “Well of course you are.” I love that. Most people respond with, “Well, Mommy he’s growing up.” I know that but it’s still sad to end something that was such an intense bonding experience. Dr. Case was one of my cheerleaders when it came to breastfeeding so I was very touched that he acknowledged that stopping wouldn’t be easy.

Also, Tino’s walking since seeing him last and that was exciting. And, right before we left I said to Tino, “Where’s Tino?” and he points to his chest and claps. That made Dr. Case chuckle and us proud.

Ryan and I were just observing Tino last night while he was playing. Honestly, when I pictured our child in my head before we had him I just never pictured something so beautiful. He is just that… beautiful; his wispy light brown hair and his blue eyes. I secretly wanted a brown haired blue eyed son but I never thought we’d have one since Ryan and I both have brown eyes. When he was born with blue eyes I figured they would change to brown. However, they are still as blue as the day he was born. Dr. Case says they are most likely going to stay that way.

When Tino smiles, my whole world is right and good. My heart soars. I can’t imagine my life without him and if I try I get anxious and upset and I bury the thought quickly before tears rush to my eyes. When I rock him at night sometimes I find myself expressing such deep gratitude in prayer to God for entrusting this miraculous little creature to us. What did we do to deserve such a perfect little boy? I never thought I could love something so much. I don’t think anyone can tell you what it’s going to be like to have a child. The challenges and frustrations of just taking care of their basic needs are in themselves an atomic bomb of change and adjustment. But, the warmth they bring to your heart and your soul is overwhelming. It brings tears to my eyes.

This morning Tino was up earlier than usual so we had about 20 minutes of playtime on the living room floor before we had to head out to daycare. He was relaxing with Dada in the recliner. With Ryan reclining back and Tino lounging in the curve of his arm, I notice something I’ve noticed before that always makes me smile from ear to ear. Ryan reclining in his chair, his ankles crossed and Tino lounging in the curve of his arm, ANKLES CROSSED! They are relaxing in the exact same position. Now either Tino is mimicking his father or he just is comfortable in this same position. Either way it’s about the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I mentioned this to my mom this morning and she burst out laughing, a deep belly laugh, saying she’s noticed it as well. 

I love that we had a son. I love having Ryan and his mini. These two men mean so much to me and have turned out to be my whole world and the source of all my joy. I feel so overwhelmed to literally drop to my knees and thank God for them both!!

All the kids at daycare are sick. I feel like we just got our family better. Tino’s been teething. He got shots yesterday so I’m sure the next couple days he may be a little fussy and perhaps even run a low grade fever. He’s had a runny nose for weeks with the teething. And, this morning he started with a cough. I fear we are in for a rough couple weeks ahead with potentially a fussy little man. Say a prayer that it’s not too painful for us all.

I have the baby itch. I really do. I’m ready for another child. However, Ryan’s not working. He’s in the middle of his clinicals. We have to wait. It’s the right thing. But, if circumstances were different I think we’d be trying for number two. And, I’ve really been thinking I’d like to have three children total. I’m hoping that after Ryan graduates and he’s working he’ll be on board with this plan. We’ll just have to wait and see.

That’s it. I told you this was a smorgasbord of thoughts and emotions. I hope you were able to follow along.